How to take the stress out of wedding planning
When I proposed to my boyfriend of 12 years in October 2022, it was with the proviso that we would have a very, very long engagement. But as the months went by and Instagram’s algorithm kicked into action, I found myself increasingly imagining what our wedding day might look like. By January, I had rowed back on my initial proposition - and was keen to get cracking.
Now, almost exactly a year after getting engaged, we have just finalised a date and a venue… but not much else. Naively, I didn’t quite understand how much work would go into those first crucial steps. Finding somewhere which was within budget, available when we wanted it, in keeping with our vibe and easily accessible from London was as tricky as navigating the ticketing process for Taylor Swift’s UK Eras Tour.
With six months until the big day, I’m now beginning to turn my thoughts to things like music, flowers, hair and makeup, the order of ceremony and my outfit (the latter giving me the most sleepless nights…). I imagine that to some readers, six months sounds like plenty of time - whereas to others, I’m cutting things fairly fine. Whichever way you look at it, the amount of forward planning that’s required for what is essentially a nine-hour event is pretty barmy.
My partner and I have been employing a rather scientific make-it-all-up-as-you-go-along approach as we very slowly tick these remaining items off our list - with mixed results. Who knew, for example, that many venues require you to pay something called a wedding cake cake-cutting fee? Or that you need to give your local council notice before getting married - to the tune of £35 per person?
Fortunately, we’re at the stage of life where many of our friends have already been through the journey - and have pearls of wisdom to impart. I reached out to a handful of (fairly) newlyweds, to ask them to share tips for someone in the depths of planning hell. I hope their advice is helpful to anyone else in the same boat - or about to embark on this crazy journey!
Ben (married in September 2023)
My top tip would be to shorten your engagement as much as possible! The planning period will expand to fill whatever amount of time you have, so if you’re forced to plan everything in a short space of time then you will - and the stress will be less as a consequence. You'll also be forced to make more decisions quickly and won’t have time to consider 108 flower options... The fun bit is the wedding and the married life - not the planning - so shorten the latter as much as possible!
Tammy (married in October 2022)
I suggest getting all the key players (you, your partner, your parents etc) in a room together as early as possible and asking them: “What’s most important to you?”. That way, you avoid any potential conflict later down the line.
Kitty (married in June 2022)
If you can be a bit of a perfectionist, my advice is to not stress yourself out about the final 10%. While personalised or handmade wedding favours are lovely and thoughtful, if they’re going to take hours and hours to make, it might be better to avoid putting pressure on yourself in the run-up to the wedding.
Holly (married in July 2022)
My biggest piece of advice would be to prioritise rather than try to optimise everything. Save money on the aspects of the day that are less important to you as this will leave more of your budget left for the things which really matter to you and your partner.
Mya (married in October 2022)
Firstly, try not to focus tooooo much on what you think everyone else will want or need when it comes to planning the day as your friends and family will have a great time regardless of the decisions you make. Secondly, arrange a few fun activities for you and your partner in the weeks before the wedding, where you don’t talk about plans at all and can totally switch off from the whole thing. My friend told me that she and her fiancée have a separate WhatsApp group for the two of them where they discuss wedding stuff, so it doesn’t take over everything else. I thought that was a great shout!
Zippy (married in May 2023)
No one cares about flowers apart from you. Fun and flowers aren’t correlated so DON’T get carried away and spend a bomb!
Felix (married in October 2022)
My tip is about acceptance. Accept that the process is likely to be stressful and can lead to some of your relationship’s lowest points before its highest point! It may also be helpful to keep in mind that it’s normal for the planning process to suck - so don’t think it’s only you when you inevitably question why you’re bothering with the whole thing! It will be worth it in the end…
Sara (married in March 2023)
This is quite a specific one: make sure that someone from your wedding party orders your place names on the tables as your caterer probably won't do it for you on the day - we learned the hard way! Another tip is to think of the day from your guests’ perspective - you want to make sure they are fed and well watered with little hanging around and lots of entertainment.
Nathan (married in June 2022)
My number one piece of advice is to think about the things you care about most early on and then let everything else fit into place. If you really want a free bar/good food/a top location/an amazing photographer then focus on one or two of those elements and accept that it might make sense to sacrifice some of the other things which are less important to you.